at some point that i really feel like vomitting. i have my final coming up next week, but that's not the ultimate source of my pressure. this, horrible, suffocating stress is making me wanna pounce at myself, right there in the middle of my tummy, just to let go of the mighty pressure in me.
final exam will never make me feel this way, its, urgh........ a lot of problems, emotional ones, making me feel really bad. these couple of days, ooh i really donno where to start. just leave that.
just now, my parents had an interesting fight, again. its about my brother. ok, i really really really pity him that now he's got to stay in a boring apartment (my rented one) alone, to work in a very busy city, in which if u dont have much frens, its gonna make u feel much more lonely (got wat i mean?). n today, his bike broke down, again. and he has got to take the bus to work. you know, my mom, felt so bad for him, and he told my dad that they should get him a car, probably a second-hand. so my dad said what?, get him a car? he's at that age that he should really take total care of himself, i'm not gonna look after him his whole life. and bala bala bala......
well i think my dad has got a point there. sometimes, i'm really a bit angry n jealous at my siblings that when they have got that opportunity, they didnt appreciate it. i'm talking bout a couple of years back when my dad's business was at the top of the world. he could afford to send them, OUT THERE. and last year, when i graduated from high school, i was ready to get OUT THERE, but i was held back, cos my dad retired. so now im BACK HERE, watching my frens OUT THERE. i'm........ angry, i'm ANGRY!!! why m i THE ONE??? i'm ready, so ready, to get OUT THERE. and now i'm not even sure if i'm going anywhere 2 yrs later. im so doubtful, soo confuse......
my mom is always siding my bro, listening to my sis, and thinking that i'm the one who's the unsteady one. my dad is always listening to my sis, scolding my bro, and making me feel like i'm the biggest spender. well, i'm living at this time when things r really unstable. i dont know how to explain this whole thing. sch fees, the economics, the politics, the society......
i need to look forward, i have to because there is no other option. i'm lucky that i have a bunch of frens who's really there, some of them more fortunate, some of them less. they help me c things more clearly. i'm less family-oriented n more fren-bound. and i'm really glad with that.
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