bloody. today is the last day of my revision week. tomorrow i've got to sit for one paper. frankly, i dont feel that confidence this time. last sem, i felt that everything is under control, my control. but this sem, things (studies) are more unexpectable, but i guess i can manage it well.
last night had a small argue with my mum, just a tiny tiny one. but she said something which comes as a huge shock to me. she sad i'm fat that i look horrible. m i really? cos i never thought of myself as being fat, just chubby, plump. but my mom said i'm fat, wow... anyway, i don't care, i'm not my sis, i'm not a bamboo. if she thinks that i embarrass her, i can't help it either, i'm build this way, at least i'm happy with myself. maybe she can spend another 10k on me and send me to marie france, just like she did. then i might be looking like christy chung and make her proud.
i shall get to my notes now and make a final preparation for my final...

niki told me bout this artist - yoshitomo nara. i thought i saw his art pieces before, just can't remember where. anyway, he's interesting. 

sacrifice enjoy, enjoy sacrifice - Chen Shih-Hsin (taiwanese olympic taekwondo gold medalist)


p/s: i found this blog super interesting pissedliberals.blogspot.com

i'm so stress.........

at some point that i really feel like vomitting. i have my final coming up next week, but that's not the ultimate source of my pressure. this, horrible, suffocating stress is making me wanna pounce at myself, right there in the middle of my tummy, just to let go of the mighty pressure in me.
final exam will never make me feel this way, its, urgh........ a lot of problems, emotional ones, making me feel really bad. these couple of days, ooh i really donno where to start. just leave that.
just now, my parents had an interesting fight, again. its about my brother. ok, i really really really pity him that now he's got to stay in a boring apartment (my rented one) alone, to work in a very busy city, in which if u dont have much frens, its gonna make u feel much more lonely (got wat i mean?). n today, his bike broke down, again. and he has got to take the bus to work. you know, my mom, felt so bad for him, and he told my dad that they should get him a car, probably a second-hand. so my dad said what?, get him a car? he's at that age that he should really take total care of himself, i'm not gonna look after him his whole life. and bala bala bala......
well i think my dad has got a point there. sometimes, i'm really a bit angry n jealous at my siblings that when they have got that opportunity, they didnt appreciate it. i'm talking bout a couple of years back when my dad's business was at the top of the world. he could afford to send them, OUT THERE. and last year, when i graduated from high school, i was ready to get OUT THERE, but i was held back, cos my dad retired. so now im BACK HERE, watching my frens OUT THERE. i'm........ angry, i'm ANGRY!!! why m i THE ONE??? i'm ready, so ready, to get OUT THERE. and now i'm not even sure if i'm going anywhere 2 yrs later. im so doubtful, soo confuse......
my mom is always siding my bro, listening to my sis, and thinking that i'm the one who's the unsteady one. my dad is always listening to my sis, scolding my bro, and making me feel like i'm the biggest spender. well, i'm living at this time when things r really unstable. i dont know how to explain this whole thing. sch fees, the economics, the politics, the society......
i need to look forward, i have to because there is no other option. i'm lucky that i have a bunch of frens who's really there, some of them more fortunate, some of them less. they help me c things more clearly. i'm less family-oriented n more fren-bound. and i'm really glad with that.

i was doing my sociology revision and in the religion chapter, karl marx said : Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people. it is, but it is less... secularization is occuring, which means less n less ppl are believing religion, they turn to science. but last night, i watched a show, that guy said, religion has been with us for thousand of years while science is just a couple hundred years old. a lot of ppl nowadays only believe in what can be prooved by science, that guy said, its called, scientific superstitious... wat do u think?

nothing much happen, im having my study week=boring.  

my mom bought me this dzi bead this morning. i've read something about dzi beads before in a news article. it's said that they (the beads) has divine power... my mom said its good for my studies. the salesperson said its guaranteed. if no effect after 3 months, its returnable. well, i thought studies or work requires long term commitment, then u'll c how it goes. but we'll c... i really really hopes it will bring good study luck to me. when my mom told me this morning, i nearly blurt out, "y don't u get me a relationship dzi bead......." cos i needed it. but i didnt say that to her, she'll be freaked out. anyway, i love this thing. i thought it looks mysterious, dont u think so?